11:51pm: so there's been a recent, huge change in plans. i'm not coming home this summer. i'm not staying in pittsburgh this summer.
i'm moving to new york and living with adam and working there for the summer.

10:10pm: California?
So this summer, Frank & Reamer & I are spending approx. a month on the road, out to California (north on the way out, through the south & possibly Mexico on the way home).
It's an impulse decision I cannot afford, but I can't go to Prague, and I need it.
Just doing my own thing.

1:01pm: Polamolu
I just found out the pretty young black lady with really curly hair and nice jewelry that I sit next to in Orthodox Christianity is Theodora Polamolu. She's married to Troy Polamolu...the Steeler. She thinks I'm funny and I think she's sweet. She gave me the attendance sign in sheet and I saw her name and said "Hey, like the Steeler!" and she gave me a blank look, because apparently everyone else in the class knew who she was but me. She showed me some pictures, including wedding picture. I'm highly amused.

4:09pm: so...
My myspace is gone. I deleted it and I feel it was a good decision. I'm just trying to disconnect from a lot of things right now. Do my own thing.

It's now warm in Pittsburgh so everything I love about this city is back. Like in the summers when I used to come up to the South Side. It's kind of lame, but there's a dirty scene in Pittsburgh that I adore. I'm not really apart of it because, well it's just not me, but those kids have the right idea.

anyway, nothing really going on. home in four weeks, but probably spending a lot of time in NY and DC this summer. whatever

3:15pm: I haven’t really been functioning, mostly because I’ve felt like death for the past two weeks, but in reality, I don’t know if I’m actually sick or just feel like I should be and allow myself to believe I am. Luckily, they’re good to me at work and let me miss because they owe me back hours anyway and there’s not a lot of high priority work to do. School on the other hand, is beginning to catch up with me. I’ve bombed the first exam of every class I am taking. I have no excuse other than bad time management and a lack of self worth. I know that right now I’m on very good terms with my family, and that makes me happy. My parents always tell me how proud of me they are and in the back of my mind I think it’s because they don’t know how bad I’m fucking up. My friends are also delightful, as they know. The ones in bad places, I wish nothing but the best. For the ones who are in a good place, I hope they continue to prosper. I honestly am beginning to think if I could have one magical wish granted, it would be that every morning, all of the people I love woke up happy and without pain. I really would. I’m not really depressed, and this almost makes it seem that way, but I am starting to think that I am severely and utterly mentally disturbed. I really do question my mental health and I don’t know if I really want to know the truth because I doubt I could handle it. Especially if the answer was that I had absolutely nothing wrong with me and I’m making it all up. I’m not looking for attention, because when I do that, it’s usually humor based and works. I just need something I can’t put my finger on. I’m very insatiable lately. Right now, I’m at work, wasting time and money. Now, while there is nothing that needs done immediately, I still feel guilty. There’s a lot of guilt lately. I don’t know what for, because I’ve been able to justify my actions in a rational way, but there it is. A big feeling of Catholic/Jewish instilled sense of guilt. So I guess this is my promise to myself:
Tiffany,
Get your fucking act together. Do your homework and study when you need to- you’re paying way to much to fuck around, go to class and stay awake. Do your work at work- they are paying you and have given you opportunities a lot of people would kill for. Phi Sigma Pi is not your enemy, and you need to meet your requirements. Being an RA is not cause for anxiety- you have the power to shut everyone down- convey that. Your family and friends are stellar, appreciate them and let them know you do. Stop spending your money for Prague. You don’t need more facial jewelry. Stop worrying about everything, just because someone isn’t blowing your phone up- they’re not mad at you, they have a life too. Lay off the Nyquil, you’re going to become an addict. Lay off the Camels, they’re going to kill you and do not help you concentrate like you tell yourself. Myspace is not that important, stop being a camera whore. Call your siblings more often than you do, they’re probably lonely. Stop being impressionable- just because a movie or book are awesome, they do not need integrated into your life. Get on a normal sleep schedule. Stop justifying things that aren’t justifiable. Try harder & breathe. Deal with it as it comes, it’ll be over soon. Stop lying to strangers because it’s funny- you’re name is not Elizabeth, Aunt Barb’s ring is not real, and you don’t attend Carnegie Mellon on a scholarship. Just calm down. FUCTION. FUNCTION. FUNCTION.

8:03pm: Martini?
The Fabulous Miss T now has a livejournal. This doesn't mean I will neglect my deadjournal, but I needed a live one too. Getting a little greedy? Maybe, but Fabulousness this extreme takes what it wants and makes no apologies

Viva La Drink!